Roving Reporter: What do you love about CCM?

Layout Editor

To celebrate Valentine’s Day, the Youngtown asked County College of Morris students and staff what they love about the college. Here are their answers.

Photos by Alexa Wyszkowski

Satire: Game Room Aggressively Denies Existence of Valentine’s Day

By John Dumm
Satire Editor

As has become apparent by the feeling of romance in the air, and the sudden upswell of vintage patriotism courtesy of meisters Washington and Lincoln, February is kicking into gear, and with it, the men of the County College are joining hands in fits of existential despair.

“Valentine’s Day is one week from now. My summer body, among others, isn’t slated to be ready until March … 2019,” said Game Room inhabitant Seth Almuerzo. “You can see the problem.”

Esteemed mad psychologist Nathan Almas (author of acclaimed ominous manuscript ‘The Brain Defaults to Actively Suicidal unless Tempted With Candy’) has been studying the core causes of St. Valentine’s Seasonal Depressive Disorder since embarrassing himself with a chalkboard marriage proposal in the fifth grade and sums up the issue with a dire diagnosis of the mental health of CCM as a whole:

“Valentine’s Day, aside from it’s enduring legacy as a celebration of chocolatey overindulgence and Imperial Roman optometry, has been promoted in recent times as a time for the recollection and affirmation of deep, mutual affection, romantic and platonic alike,” Almas said. “This manifests in the modern college student as a crawling realization that they have no functional relationships of any kind, and a mounting, resigned anxiety that they must find the relief they need in solitary, inexorable death.”

Almas, who somberly notes that he has in fact managed to drive away the last coworker willing to be seen in public with him with “predictive artificial libel” about the Russian antioxidant trade, has requested that the Youngtown make no note of his obvious, tear-laden emotional distress before continuing.

“Human notions of emotional closeness are really only known in this community through popular fanfiction and lengthy psych articles about the horrific mental toll of having no non-Naruto related sympathetic social connections,” Almas said. “Now, I can only reliably speak for the Game Room which has been noted in censuses to serve as a home base to five women, and approximately half of all men on campus, but the compound effects of societally enforced self-repression and the, uh, understandable unwillingness of the seven individuals who can claim both a healthy mental state and regular contact with Game Room regulars to play Pro Bono Industrial Mass Therapist has recently been pinpointed as a source of ridiculous, soul-cracking stress in everyone involved. In multiple cases, we’ve seen individuals so thoroughly burdened by their own intrusive self-deprecation loops that they start conforming to the stereotypes of Game Room regulars ceasing to regularly shower and actively promoting media proven by public opinion to calcify testosteronergic endocrinal systems such as anime without buff men beating the daylights out of each other.”

All hope is not lost, however, as concerned Game Room citizens have begun to look out for their own, and use their hard-won, intimate knowledge of the socially injured to repair the damage in their ecosystem.

Nick Wossname, Mental Coliseum of the CCM CCTV SevenSages, has been approached to elaborate upon and promote his methods.

“Fundamentally, really, it’s about giving these dudes something to do,” Wossname said. “Valentine’s Day is making everybody desperate; desperate kids end up looking predatory, starts making people around them desperate to get away. What we need right now, and what I have been working with the Student Electronic Gaming Organization Deep Council to provide, is a big, public, completely unrelated social gathering! Something to help people shrug off the immense psychic weight outdated social demands, exacerbated and locked in by the unique challenges of our era and, frankly, sheer random chance. So we set up a fighting game tournament, where you can walk in, shovel down a metric load of chocolate and pizza, and take full faith that the only thing against you here is like 50 of your closest friends, all of whom are standing alongside you to cleanse themselves of spiritual evils by beating the daylights out of buff-anime-man proxies of the fighting will of their peers.”

While the precise details haven’t been hammered out, the game room seems to be in unanimous agreement as to the quality and wholesomeness of the project, with the only complaints (four men, two women) being that the tournament should be showcasing Guilty Gear or Street Fighter instead of Super Smash Brothers.

Look for new developments regarding the tournament, tentatively titled “Lemme SMASH ‘18,” in and around the Game Room as Valentine’s Day approaches, and look into joining the tournament or even just enjoying the games as a spectator with the help of your friendly Game Room denizens.

Seven fun, creative ways to spend Valentine’s Day

By Michelle Mardis

Valentine’s Day is about celebrating your loved ones. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need a significant other on Valentine’s Day to have fun. Here are some ways that you can have fun while single or in a relationship on Valentine’s Day.

  1. The Five Dollar Date

Photo courtesy of Facebook

Take your friends to the dollar store. Everyone gets to pick out five things, and when you’re done, you make a date out of it! This can be a fun time to create memories with your friends without having to overthink about impressing someone. A piece of your personality will show with this fun idea for you and your friends.

If you are in a relationship, take this time to get to know the other person. Trust me, you can learn a lot of things about a person based on what they choose. It may seem surprising, but it’s a fun and quirky way to get to know a person.

2.The Build-A-Bear Date


Photo courtesy of Facebook

Make a bear with your friends! You can even personalize it by adding a voice, heartbeat and/or a scent. You and your friends will feel like you are reliving childhood with your new furry friend! There are so many options to choose from, and this will make lasting memories.

In a relationship and want a personalized date? Look no further; this date idea will allow you to get to know how well your personalities match. Are you looking for someone who wants to do quirky dates with you or someone more serious? This date will show what side your significant other is on.

3.The Typical Dinner and a Movie Date


Photo courtesy of Facebook

Have you and your friends been dying to see that new movie that just came out? Make it a group outing with a nice dinner on the side. There is no harm in going to dinner and a movie with some good friends.

In a relationship? I highly recommend avoiding this date as a first one. Half of the date will lack getting to know one another since you will be sitting in a quiet theater. Maybe use this as a second or third date if things went well on the first.

4..The Roller Skating Date


Photo courtesy of Facebook

You and your friends will laugh together when one of you falls (which is bound to happen). This is a fun way to create memories with your friends that will last a lifetime. It’s not only inexpensive but fun as well. Most places give you two hours of open skate per session.

Get to know your significant other by watching each other fail to skate or skate to impress. You will be able to really get to know each other through skating. This is a chance to be vulnerable around your significant other. By trying something new, you are showing an adventurous side.

5. The Bowling Date

Are you the competitive type? If so, this is the time for you to shine. Having your friends join you for some competitive fun can be both exhausting and a great time. Create funny names on the computer that will show your score and just lay back and have fun.


Photo courtesy of Facebook

In a relationship and looking for something both active and fun to do? Bowling is one of the best dates for those active couples. It’s a nice time to talk and spend time together without many distractions. Many bowling places also have laser tag so you would be getting a two in one date.

6. The Disney/Brand Themed Date


Photo courtesy of Facebook

You can replace Disney with anything you’d like. This is kind of like the dollar store date except you will have a specific theme to it. Go to Party City and have all of your friends pitch in for a few things related to your theme and throw a party. Have each person in your friend group invite one to two people and enjoy Valentine’s Day with friends.

As for a date, find something that you are both passionate about and create a night out of it. Head over to party city and pick out some themed items, such as a Disney tablecloth, and make a sweet date out of it. For example, you could use the Disney tablecloth to set up a romantic dinner or decorate your room. There are so many possibilities for this date.

7. The Stay-at-Home Date


Photo courtesy of Facebook

Invite your friends over and enjoy a night of movies, popcorn, and fun. You can play games just like you did when you were younger. It is a great way to reconnect with old friends.

Do you not have a lot of money to go out? If this is the case, stay in and cuddle up with your loved one. You can enjoy a candle-lit dinner or even watch a movie together.

Valentine’s Day is about appreciating the loved ones in your life. We can turn Valentine’s Day into a day to remember by picking the right people to spend it with. That right person does not have to be a significant other. I hope everyone has a happy and fun Valentine’s Day!

Couples celebrate casual Valentines Day


Whether it is a holiday designed by greeting card companies to pump a profit or not, couples embrace Valentine’s Day to bask in their love together. To unhappy singles, however, Valentine’s Day can be a frustrating reminder of their current relationship status. At County College of Morris, the outlook on Valentine’s day, and love in general, is sweetly optimistic as this playful holiday approaches.

While the special day is right around the corner, couples who are in long term relationships aren’t so concerned with their plans.

“We’re probably just gonna get dinner and hang around my place for Valentine’s Day.” said Jesse Irving, a second year student at CCM. “Being in a longer relationship rather than a new one makes it a lot nicer because I feel that there’s less pressure since we’re already comfortable with each other and know how we want to go about celebrating the ‘holiday’.”

According to a survey done by CNN in 2013, Americans will spend $18.6 billion in total on Valentine’s Day, including flowers, candy, and jewelry to show their sweetheart how much they care. Some students at CCM, however, don’t believe in the traditional Valentine’s Day love.

“I don’t believe in fairytale love but I believe in something like it,” Irving said. “Everyone in the world loves differently, personally fairytale love is a little too cliche for me, and I’m happy with the weird and strange love that my boyfriend and I share.”

With casual-minded college millennials becoming old enough for serious relationships and love, this offhand attitude transfers to their love lives.

“I don’t have any plans,” says Ian Warren, a student at CCM. “We’ll probably just do something little, we don’t really believe in it.”

In a survey done in 2016 by Statistic Brain, 53 percent of women said they would end their relationship if they didn’t receive something for Valentine’s Day, but most students at CCM are not even planning on celebrating the holiday.

Conventional romance is not dead yet, though, despite what some students are planning.

“Yeah, a relationship always needs work,” says Brian Lang, a student at CCM. “But if you meet the right person, I definitely believe in true, storybook love.”

While most students are taking the laid back approach to Valentine’s Day celebrations, love is still in the air at CCM, just a more casual kind. The traditionality of this thousand-year old holiday may be fading away, but the emotions behind it are still there as millennials put their own spin on it.