TED ORBACH

SATIRE: Major textbook companies to accept payment in arms and legs, as well as everlasting souls

By Ted Orbach
Contributor

As the new semester begins, many students at County College of Morris and colleges nationwide will face the daunting task of paying for their often expensive and hard- to- find textbooks. In the face of rising textbook prices, major publishers, such as McGraw-Hill Education and Pearson, have started programs allowing students to use more flexible payment options for both textbooks and online access codes. Instead of merely accepting United States currency, publishers will now allow students to pay with their limbs, their everlasting and immortal souls, as well as increments of time off the end of their life.

According to a press release from McGraw-Hill, “We know how hard it is for students to finance their college education. That is why we aim to cut out the middleman and let college enrollees pay us in various physical extremities and organs that can be peddled on the black market, or if they actually need that stuff, in pieces of their eternal and transcendental being that we can trade to power hungry and infernal supernatural beings like Abezethibou and Drekevac.”

Many students at CCM are thrilled with the change in payment.

“Working at Starbucks doesn’t give me nearly enough money to be able to afford my textbooks this semester,” said Kim Fopir, a biology major at CCM. “Instead of depleting my entire bank account, I figured ‘Why not just sell Pearson my soul?’ I’m not really using it at the moment, and I need to be able to access MyUselessGenEdLab. Pazuzu, king of the demons of the wind, brother of Humbaba and son of the god Hanbi probably needs it more than me anyway.”

Andy Tupelo, an accounting major at CCM, agreed.

“It was very easy and a lot less painstaking than saving up all of the holiday money I made at work for my textbooks,” Tupelo said. “I’m a righty, so I don’t really need my left arm anyway.”

The textbook giants also have many more alternative payment plans that are being developed. According to a representative from Pearson, “Come 2019, we will begin allowing students to pay with: talents, special abilities or overwhelmingly positive traits that make them who they are and define every single facet of their being.”

These new options are garnering a lot of excitement on campus.

“I can’t wait until they let me pay for my $400 chemistry textbook with my ability to play guitar,” said Brad Comb, a meta-chemical engineering student at CCM. “Yeah, I really enjoy playing music, but that isn’t going to pay for college.”

Authors of many of the textbooks sold by McGraw-Hill and Pearson, however, are none too pleased with the companies’ decisions.

“Maybe if these kids didn’t spend their money on ornately decorated cups of coffee, they’d be able to pay me $250 for a book that features a bunch of information they can find online for free,” said William S. Spouter, author of Fundamentals of Post-Modern Physics. “Stop giving these spoiled brats an easy way out.”

Many of the authors want to revert back to the cash-based system because it is harder for them to receive “proper compensation for their work,” as Spouter explained. This is because it takes much longer for the publishers to get contacts on the black market or meet with representatives of hellish, otherworldly beings that exchange money for souls or talents that they can gain elemental energy from.

“It’s a long process, but the return is just the same as normal currency,” said James Nailbright, head of metaphysical chthonic demon-based transactions for Pearson.

“Alternative payment plans are making it easier on everyone,” Nailbright continued. “We want to make things easier on students’ wallets, even if that means being more strenuous on their physical and metaphysical well-beings.”

‘Spotlight: Morris County’ to feature campus community

By Ted Orbach
Contributor

Opening Title

Host Ethan Walsh, left, on set with CCM student with Al Turrisi. Photo Courtesy Julian Costa

County College of Morris employees and students  working in the DeCroce Media Center have started producing a 30 minute talk show titled Spotlight: Morris County every Tuesday afternoon in the spring semester to feature guests from CCM and the local community.

Julian Costa, a CCM professor who teaches in both the business and communication departments, is at the helm of this production and said he hopes to release the show in mid-February. The pilot episode, recorded in January, host Ethan Walsh featured CCM student Al Turrisi.

The show will air on the college’s YouTube channel as well as on Morris Educational Television (METV) which can be found on Cablevision channel 77 and FiOS channel 40.

“My bachelor’s degree was in television production, and I’ve done this as an undergrad,” Costa stated. “I did a lot of work in live television and community television, so I’m decided to put something together.”

Some guests include Peter Maguire of the English department, business department chairperson Maureen Sutton, former Randolph mayor Christine Carey, and languages and ESL department chairperson James Hart.

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Brenda Todd and Peter Maguire on set of ‘Spotlight: Morris County.’ Photo by: Ted Orbach

“The first [goal] is to give the students a real production experience,” Costa said. “Writing your own stuff and creating your own stuff is certainly wonderful and exciting, but it’s not really preparing you for a real career in TV.”

The show was developed not only as a way for the CCM broadcasting facilities to be put to more use, but to also help CCM students gain real world experience in television, according to Costa.

“We have a lot of people here that are very interested in that career path,” Costa said.  “And I’d like to give them something realistic that they can put on their resumes.”

Daniel Cleary, a media engineer at CCM, said that students working on this project gain a different experience than they would in a television production class.

“It takes them out of the classroom setting because this isn’t a class,” Cleary said. “They’re not getting graded for it. This is something they’re volunteering to do, so it has a different feel for them.”

Cleary, who has worked previously with William Paterson University and Verizon, is tasked with keeping the TV studios running, and works with Costa on the set of ‘Spotlight: Morris County.’

“I handle the technical aspects, which are: making sure the studio is up and running, lighting is good, audio is good, and video is good,” Cleary said.

One student, Matthew Romano, a broadcasting major at CCM, has performed many on-set duties including camera work, directing, and editing.

“I love working on Spotlight: Morris County,” Romano said. “I have learned so many new things already, and there is a ton still ahead of me … Spotlight: Morris County provides me with real world learning experiences of live studio production.”

Other goals of the production are to help promote CCM and strengthen community relations.

Costa said he hopes to “[spread] the word of what students are doing and the different programs and curricula that we have here.”

Costa said that anyone from CCM can help out with the production of the show.

“We can always use hosts; we can always use people to run camera,” Costa said. “If anybody’s considering taking a course in TV production, or considering majoring in this, we can always use that.”

He said he is hoping to showcase performing arts and fine arts from CCM, as well as interviews with students.

“Everybody comes to us from a different walk of life, and I like that,” Costa said.

Those interested in taking part in Spotlight: Morris County either as crew or as guests, may send Costa an email at jcosta@ccm.edu.

Chess club looks to get more people playing

BY TED ORBACH
Contributor

In the fall 2015 semester, Brett Friedensohn, now acting president of the Chess Club at CCM, looked to resurrect the then-defunct club. Now, three semesters later, the club has seen enrollment rise, and under Friedensohn’s leadership, looks to grow even more from this year onwards.

“When I started here in the fall of 2015 I was hoping to join a chess club because I was the president of the chess club in my high school, and I love chess,” Friedensohn said. “I find it a bit addictive. I wanted to have a place where I can develop my ideas for chess with other students and play with them, discuss chess with them and hang out with like-minded people.”

Friedensohn’s love of chess began from an early age, when he and his fellow first grade students were taught the game during lunch times.

“I developed a love for it, I guess because it’s intellectual stimulation,” Friedensohn said. “I was never really a bulky athletic kid, so I didn’t get my competitive spirit out that way, I got it out more through chess.”

Fellow chess club member Marco Dellamonica mentioned a love for the intellectual nature of the game, as well as the players’ ability to improve themselves.

“I’m one of the people that, even though I get my butt kicked, I will beat my head into a wall until I figure it out,” Dellamonica said. “Chess is one of those games for me where I may not be good now, but after getting my head beat in maybe 1700 times I’ll get there.”

Victory is not the only factor driving members’ interest in the club.

“When I play the game I don’t really care whether I win or lose,” said Adam Novak, another member of the Chess Club. “I enjoy the strategy aspect, I enjoy that you have to think about the moves ahead.”

Friedensohn echoed this sentiment.

“I’ve always tried to expand my intellect, and think in problematic ways,” Friedensohn said. “To me fun is being as smart as I can and having intellectual stimulation.”

As far as future plans go, an open tournament for CCM students is in the works.

“I’ve wanted to have a tournament, an open tournament for CCM students,” Friedensohn said. This plus high growth can see the club gathering evermore steam heading into the end of this semester and beyond.

While the club looks ahead to bigger projects, it maintains a welcoming and consistent atmosphere for its members.

“I don’t have to worry about there not being somebody there,” Novak said. “Any day I could go to the library and sit by the chess boards but that doesn’t mean that people want to play. It gives me one day where I know I can go and play chess with people. The people are friendly and willing to learn at different levels. It’s a great place to go to if you’re just curious about chess.”

Chess club looks to get more people playing

BY TED ORBACH
Contributor

In the fall 2015 semester, Brett Friedensohn, now acting president of the Chess Club at CCM, looked to resurrect the then-defunct club. Now, three semesters later, the club has seen enrollment rise, and under Friedensohn’s leadership, looks to grow even more from this year onwards.

“When I started here in the fall of 2015 I was hoping to join a chess club because I was the president of the chess club in my high school, and I love chess,” Friedensohn said. “I find it a bit addictive. I wanted to have a place where I can develop my ideas for chess with other students and play with them, discuss chess with them and hang out with like-minded people.”

Friedensohn’s love of chess began from an early age, when he and his fellow first grade students were taught the game during lunch times.

“I developed a love for it, I guess because it’s intellectual stimulation,” Friedensohn said. “I was never really a bulky athletic kid, so I didn’t get my competitive spirit out that way, I got it out more through chess.”

Fellow chess club member Marco Dellamonica mentioned a love for the intellectual nature of the game, as well as the players’ ability to improve themselves.

“I’m one of the people that, even though I get my butt kicked, I will beat my head into a wall until I figure it out,” Dellamonica said. “Chess is one of those games for me where I may not be good now, but after getting my head beat in maybe 1700 times I’ll get there.”

 Victory is not the only factor driving members’ interest in the club.

“When I play the game I don’t really care whether I win or lose,” said Adam Novak, another member of the Chess Club. “I enjoy the strategy aspect, I enjoy that you have to think about the moves ahead.”

Friedensohn echoed this sentiment.

“I’ve always tried to expand my intellect, and think in problematic ways,” Friedensohn said. “To me fun is being as smart as I can and having intellectual stimulation.”

As far as future plans go, an open tournament for CCM students is in the works.

“I’ve wanted to have a tournament, an open tournament for CCM students,” Friedensohn said. This plus high growth can see the club gathering evermore steam heading into the end of this semester and beyond.

While the club looks ahead to bigger projects, it maintains a welcoming and consistent atmosphere for its members.

“I don’t have to worry about there not being somebody there,” Novak said. “Any day I could go to the library and sit by the chess boards but that doesn’t mean that people want to play. It gives me one day where I know I can go and play chess with people. The people are friendly and willing to learn at different levels. It’s a great place to go to if you’re just curious about chess.”