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Paul Licitra becomes chairman of CCM’s Board of Trustees

Board of Trustee Chair Paul Licitra presents medallion to President Anthony Iacono. Photo Courtesy of CCM

By Marisa Goglia & Jannat Sheikh
Managing Editors

County College of Morris’ Board of Trustees Chair Paul Licitra spoke on behalf of the Board in front of a crowd of 400 at the Friday, Oct. 6 inauguration of County College of Morris’ third president, Dr. Anthony Iacono.

Licitra, in his third month as chair, held the distinct honor of bestowing the investiture of the ceremony.

“By the power invested in me by the Board of Trustees, I hereby confer upon you [Iacono] the title of president of County College of Morris and present to you this medallion as a symbol of that office,” Licitra said.

Iacono became president of CCM in September 2016 when Dr. Joseph Ricca was the board chair.

Growing up in Brooklyn, Licitra said having Depression Era parents had given him the mentality of a hard work ethic.

“My parents were both immigrants and they grew up in the Depression,”  Licitra said. “So I’ve always had the mentality of Depression Era parents, and you see like a little differently when you wake up in the morning and you only have three cents to your name which is what happened in our family. So I’m proud to be a first-generation American, and I’m proud to have gotten as far as I have, and I’ve worked for everything that I’ve done in life. Not just this, I was mayor of a town, I was commissioner in the state, chairman of the county planning board, you name it, I did it.”

In 1967, Licitra had served his country when he was drafted during the the Vietnam war in South Vietnam’s Mekong Delta, a river approximately half mile wide, according to the History Channel. Leading out of the Mekong are canals that are from 75 feet wide down to 35 feet wide. By the beginning of 1967 there were 490,000 American troops in South Vietnam along with 850,000 from South Vietnam, South Korea, and other U.S. allies, according to The New York Times.

“My country had called me; I’m a patriot, and I felt I had to give back,” Licitra said.  “My country was good to me, I want to be good to my country. And, when you go over there, you go over for your country …. You’re so intent on getting not only yourself home but all your friends, trying to make sure that they get home. And that’s what your main goal is at that point.”

Licitra was discharged Sept. 8, 1967 and started an insurance job the next day.

Licitra said that he previously investigated accidents when he was in Vietnam and saw a comparison in wanting to pursue a career path as an insurance  broker.

“I went into insurance because it was kind of related to what I was doing in the Army for my last four or five months which was military policeman,” Licitra said. “When I came back from Vietnam, I got a job in insurance, and I went to college at night. I did 128 credits in four years at night [at St. John’s University] … It was nothing that I woke up sometime as a five-year-old and said, ‘Yeah, I want to be an insurance man.’”

Having 45 years experience in the business gave Licitra the ability to run companies as president, vice president, and senior vice president.

“It was a very exciting field for me,” Licitra said. “I used to travel the world.  I used to travel the United States. I had some really nice clients, some really good exciting clients, and I used to service them. I used to meet CFO’s and have meetings with pioneers and people of business. You know, [insurance] provided somebody with protection. You do captives; you set up insurance companies; you set up client services … You know, it’s a lot different now. It was a plain vanilla envelope. Now, it isn’t a plain vanilla envelope.”

In 1990, Licitra decided to depart from insurance and  run for the mayor of Mount Olive. Licitra said as a resident, he wanted to bring new innovative ideas that would leave lasting impressions.

“It was enjoyable; I mean I managed to create a legacy,” Licitra said. “I did a lot of building. I built the sport’s complex; I built recreation fields, a library, a senior center, a municipal building, things that Mt. Olive needed, that I felt that it needed…And now, my grandchildren are growing up in town and they’re enjoying this. I get great pleasure out of that.”

Although Licitra said he had fond memories of being a councilman and mayor for 12 years, he would not do it again due to campaign  incivility and lack of appreciation.

“People expect too much out of their elected officials,” Licitra said. “It’s not that you can’t please everybody it’s that it’s not appreciated, ..I think people just wanted to win and beat you, not they want to ruin you. It just isn’t the same. I don’t like that mentality, it’s just not me … I’ve never run a bad campaign; I never ran after anybody. Even my Facebook page, if you go on it, I just don’t get involved in petty politics, name calling, and things like that. It just isn’t for me.”

Five years ago, Licitra was appointed to the Board of Trustees and became vice chairman a year and a half ago. Now, he takes his seat as chairman of the Board of Trustees approximately three months after Ricca resigned as the chairman to take the job as superintendent at the White Plains School District.

“The exciting part of that was the inauguration, and I was partaking in the inauguration. I was the one that represented the school to give the baton to Dr. Iacono,” Licitra said. “And that was the first time I was involved in something like that. It was exciting. So, as the chairman, I represented the Board.”

Licitra said with the chairmanship comes with varying responsibilities in contrast to the previous positions on the board.

“ You’re more involved,” Licitra said.  “Dr. Iacono calls me up all day long and tells me this happened or that happened. But, you don’t have that when you’re a regular board member. You do run committees, and you do run reports.

Licitra said that he instituted a monthly meeting with Iacono and the Board of Trustees.

“We can tell him what’s on our mind and he can tell us what’s on his mind,” Licitra said. “And I think that’s important that you get people in different avenues, different people. You want builders, you want accountants, you want teachers, you want administrators. So  you’ve got to have a board full of these people. And, we have a good mix on the board right now and we get along..I feel that this is my extended family right now.”

Licitra said he would like  to see more student involvement within the meetings, and for them to know that the door is always open.

“I think they feel that we’re not available, and we’re always available,” Licitra said. “ I think I would like to see more mentorship from the board to the students. We do have a student representative and each one of them were great. Every year we have a new one. And, every single one has been as good as the other. But, some of them were fantastic. I think I’d like to see more of the student’s take more interest in the meetings.”

Licitra said he thinks it is important that the college gets to know each trustee personally.

“I’d rather them get to know each other one on one, but if they get to know them through your newspaper, then they’ll see that we’re just people,” Licitra said. “They have ideas; they have experience. So that’s good; that’s good for the student body, and we’re head and shoulder about everybody around us.”

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SATIRE: Youngtown satire editor arrested, executed for sedition

By John Dumm
Satire Editor(?)

Following production of warrants for his arrest of on orders from the County College of Morris Board of Trustees, the Office of Campus Security has finally successfully detained academi-political dissident John Dumm as of Thursday, Oct. 19.

Following his arrest, he was placed on trial for inciting a rebellion against County College faculty, found guilty on all counts, and publically executed Friday, like 15 minutes after the game room closes, in the remains of the Student Center Cafe, via electrocution.

In the wake of this arguably necessary display of judicial authoritarianism, Youngtown staff members were asked to step forward with details on his transgressions, capture, and eventual death.

“Always knew that place was just chairs in the end, though this particular variant wasn’t exactly expected,” said Matthew J. Bristol, Youngtown distribution manager, psychology student, campus head of culinary economics, founding member and current chairman of the Communist Party of CCM, said. “Still, though, the subject of this interview, John Dumm was easily the most powerful idiot this school had on offer.”

Having been enlisted as John’s ‘beta-reader’ prior to submission for editing, Bristol has offered to share his thoughts on the factors leading to John’s arrest.

“Everyone just kind of forgot he was the satire editor, explicitly involved in satire, the ridiculous comedy column with the disclaimer and the quarantine page so it doesn’t get into the opinions of easily influenced children including himself. He wrote three pieces on economic anxiety knowing for a fact that that is the one emotion every community college student can be trusted to be able to feel, tugged on the wrong people’s heartstrings, and got chewed out for it. Next thing I hear, he’s setting up a multi-prong attack to destroy the Youngtown with an actual, honest-to-God pumpkin cult. I’m not gonna claim this wasn’t a completely disproportionate response, but with the toxicity in the game room, the pong room, and the entire Student Government Association these days, sometimes the horrific over executive mockery of justice just feels like a c-minus result. So long as we get the degree without dying, he’s an outlier, and I kinda expected something like this to happen anyways.”

Bristol said that he was close with Dumm in spite of his antics.

“I loved him like a brother, yes,” Bristol said. “And as to whether or not that ‘including himself’ bit referred to delirious forgetfulness or a puerile cognitive contextualizer that can and will warp under the strain of it’s own content, it’s both. He was exactly the kind of person who would write a blatant and surreal parody of factual events, come back to it the next day, and think ‘Legitimate News Publishing’, or ‘Revolutionary Thought, Praiseworthy, and Innovative,’ or, on less lucid days, ‘Food.’ I have seen him flip to the satire page and cram it into his mouth, as a chaser to a few rashers of bacon, a slice cauliflower pizza, and a half-cup of ‘activated almonds’.”

Brett Friedensohn, editor-in-chief of the Youngtown and the executive who first recruited Dumm for the Youngtown, had this to say in defense of his deceased colleague:

“Honestly, he was a hit, in the same way you might call an ACME-brand piano a hit,” Friedensohn said. “It runs like clockwork. He runs up to the literal half-hour of the deadline, pushes us some bizarre piece while telling us he dredged it out of a sewer somewhere, and comes to production meetings just to hyperventilate in a corner. And it wins fan mail! Callouts on the road between classes! Groupies, from near the game room, sometimes. Granted, these are game room groupies, but it was at least marginally better than death squads. Plus, he got Matthew to sling papers for us, so we’re pretty sure that qualifies him for Catholic sainthood. Really, he filled a hole that our last satire editor left in our hearts, and now we’re gonna have to get it looked at by a doctor or somesuch. We’re not insured. It’s ridiculous. By the way, who are you getting to collate these interviews into a cohesive article, anyway? Usually, it was John handling the, uh, inane meta-humor.”

Taking reports and collations to advance a hitherto-unknown position on his own death, John Dumm has compiled a retort and eulogy, listed below:

“I can neither confirm, nor deny the allegation. May God rest his soul, may his soul haunt his column, may his column inject visions of eight-pack abs and meticulously fluffed eyebrows into the CCM populace. Just let the Board of Trustees know: Everything I did, I did for memes alone.”

The questionably-animated remains of John Dumm were last seen picking up expensive microphones and dropping them, to unknown effect. If any students have information on this ghoul’s whereabouts, please contact the Youngtown Edition.

De-Stress Fest aims at helping students relax during midterm season

By Katie Coyne
Entertainment Editor

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Students de-stress by creating art. Photo by Katie Coyne

County College of Morris held a “De-stress Fest” which allowed students to participate in coloring and creative arts, meditation, pet therapy, and yoga during the week of Monday, Oct. 16.

The event was sponsored by CCM’s counseling center for student success, and the events were held in the Student Community Center.

Andrea Reyes, a Spanish teacher education major said that sleeping is what de-stresses her the most, but she enjoys art as well.

“I usually just draw letters and stuff,” Reyes said.

She also said that she was looking forward to going to the pet therapy event that CCM was having on Wednesday, Oct. 18.

Art therapy has been proven to help people regulate their emotions and cope with them. As reported in Psychology Today, “Many individuals reported that they learned to change their behavioral responses through the process of art expression”.

John Urgola, a counselor at CCM, said  coloring is a good way for students to be mindful.

“Well, I would say aside from it just being fun and relaxing, it can be used as a mindfulness exercise,” Urgola said. “Mindfulness is making sure one is in the present moment and not having wandering thoughts regarding the past or future.”

Ariella Panek, a CCM counselor, echoed Urgola’s sentiment on coloring.

“You’re not focusing on your midterm or making dinner; you’re focused on one color at a time,” Panek said.

Meditation, which was held on Tuesday, Oct. 17 is also a health conscious choice for de-stressing.

One way to meditate is with Japa Mala beads, which are an Indian method of meditation.  The beads are an ancient tool that was developed to keep the mind focused on the practice of meditation, hence also being a tool for practicing mindfulness. Using beads to pray and meditate started in the 8th Century B.C.E, and many different religions and spiritual practices still use beads today.

Trayer Run-Kowzen, a yoga professor at CCM, lead the yoga workshop Thursday, Oct. 19. Yoga is also proven to not only be anxiety reducing, but the method of exercise also has other health benefits tied to it, according to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. Researchers have found that those who practice yoga on a regular basis experienced reduced incidences of chronic back pain, a better sense of well-being and quality of life, improvement in heart health as well as moods, and better sleep quality.

Some students were looking forward to the pet therapy workshop which was held Wednesday, Oct. 18.  The human-animal bond has been proven to have many calming effects including decreased blood-pressure, reduced anxiety, and overall feelings of general well-being, according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information.

“Just a lot of de-stressing is soothing stimulation,” said Lisa Volante, a counselor at CCM.  “Petting [the dogs] can be a really soothing experience.”

Club scheduling conflicts with student involvement

By: Philip Montanez
Contributor

While County College of Morris sets aside 12:30 p.m. to 1:45 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday for College Hour, a block where the college limits scheduling classes with the intention of increasing club involvement, some students are unable to participate in most clubs when their classes coincide with the block.

According to CCM’s website, there are between 45 to 50 active organizations in the facility that highlight their offerings at the start of every semester. These range from honors societies to major-specific clubs and physical activities that include frisbee and rock climbing.

Being that registrations are earlier than the club fairs and many students try to make their class schedules a closed block of time means some clubs may not see the involvement they desire.

“I have classes scheduled right now during College Hour, and it limits me on how involved I can get on campus,” said Andrew Kelly, a communication major at CCM. “I wasn’t that involved at my last college, and I want to build my resume and get a more meaningful experience out of college.”

There then arises people who desire to become associated with a group but were not made aware of the opportunities given to them in a timely manner.

Nursing major Mohammad Abdeljabbar was also interested in the clubs but found himself unable to attend what he would have seen as a fun experience.

“I wanted to do rock climbing, but I feel like my anatomy and physiology courses interfered between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m.,” Abdeljabbar said. “They ended up overlapping.”

Some students who are currently involved in campus clubs and organizations also feel the effects of College Hour’s location in the day.

Chelsey Vazquez, Active Minds president and a biology health-related student studying the liberal arts, has seen the repercussions of this scheduling in her time at CCM.

Active Minds is a group that aims to learn and raise awareness on mental health issues in college and in life. Consistently, the group sees approximately 10 active members during the week, and Vasquez believes she knows why.

“I feel like for a community college, we have many active clubs on campus, but the challenges are that people have commitments off campus,” Vasquez said. “The mismatched schedules cause people to become uninvolved. I do believe it has to do with students not living on campus, but the school does try to help with the clubs. There is communication but not involvement.”

Officials working with CCM on fire code compliance

By Brett Friedensohn & Jannat Sheikh
Editor-in-Chief, Managing Editor

The New Jersey Division of Fire Safety has been working with Randolph Township’s fire code official to resolve County College of Morris’ outdated fire inspection certificates, according to Department of Community Affairs Communications Office Strategic Director Lisa Ryan.

Prep Lab

County College of Morris chemistry prep lab in Sheffield Hall. Photo by Brett Friedensohn.

Currently, there are multiple areas on campus with outdated fire inspection certificates. Updated certificates are required by the state to be posted.

Karen Vanderhoof, vice president of business and finance at CCM, said that after a meeting Monday, Oct. 23 with Randolph Fire Official Richard Briant, the two parties agreed that the college will take down outdated certificates and post updated ones in the Dragonetti Auditorium, the Davidson Rooms, the Health and Physical Education Building, the Cohen Cafe, the Learning Resource Center, the Plant and Maintenance Building, and the lecture halls in Sheffield Hall, Cohen Hall, and DeMare Hall.

Briant said he was in contact with a representative of the Division of Fire Safety to make sure the certificates are posted in the area or areas required by the code. Before a meeting with the division Monday, Oct. 30, he  He said that the purpose of it was “to have an agreement” with the Division of Fire Safety.

As of Tuesday, Oct. 31, outdated Uniform Fire Code Certificates of Inspection are still up in five areas on campus.

These areas are Sheffield Hall, Cohen Hall, Emeriti Hall, the Student Center Cafe, and the Student Community Center as a whole. The SCC has posted a Life Hazard Use Certificate of Registration which is made out to “County College of Morris Library” and expired Sunday, Nov. 5.

An expired certificate of inspection in the auditorium box office window was taken down, but an outdated Life Hazard Use Certificate of Registration is up in the hallway outside the box office as of Friday, Nov. 2. The certificate expired in 2014, is made out to “County College of Morris Library,” and does not indicate that it is registered for the auditorium.

Despite the majority of the campus’ science labs being situated in Sheffield Hall, VanDerhoof said that science labs do not fall under the building qualifications that would constitute the necessity for certificates posted. She said that public buildings that do require them are recreation centers and places of assembly and fuel dispensing.

Ryan said that classrooms qualify as places of assembly and did not specify if this applies to only K-12 or includes college. She said that science labs qualify as life hazard use buildings depending on “the quantities of waste or chemicals stored in the building.”

When asked to comment on Ryan’s statement, VanDerhoof said that code is very complex and specifies that classrooms for K-12 be inspected.

“The code also gives a lot of authority to the local fire official,” VanDerhoof said in an email. “We have always worked closely with our local code official.”

Youngtown publically disclosed eight outdated certificates Wednesday, Oct. 11. These certificates included the one in Sheffield Hall, which expired in 2010. Youngtown first reported on the issue in November 2016.

In the Oct. 11 report, CCM Compliance Officer Dawn Latincsics said that the college had in possession updated certificates for all CCM buildings but that there was no posting requirement. Briant and Department of Community Affairs Communications Director Tomari Petty, however, said that the law states otherwise. On Friday, Nov. 3, Latincsics clarified that the certificates are required to be posted in Life Hazard Use areas.

Latincsics also said that day that CCM will keep on record all updated fire certificates in the department of public safety instead of plastering them around the campus. Latincsics said that Briant spoke with a state representative who will allow CCM to keep all the certificates and registrations in a binder kept in the department of public safety available and accessible for anyone to view.

“That way, we don’t have to go running around remembering where the last person in charge of it stuck it on,” Latincsics said.

Each certificate of inspection states, “This certificate must be posted in a conspicuous location in the above premises.” The premise listed above this statement is the building to which the certificate is registered.

Before the meeting between VanDerhoof and Briant, Youngtown staff found one more area with an outdated certificate and four with no certificates posted at all.

The Davidson Rooms’ fire code certificate and Sterno use permit expired in 2013. They were both taken down by Monday, Oct. 23. The areas with no certificates posted were DeMare Hall, HPE, the LRC, and the Music Technology Center.

The Uniform Fire Safety Act of 1983 states that certain public buildings must be inspected periodically depending on their potential risk for fire-related incidents and that after an area is inspected, it must display a certificate of inspection in an inconspicuous location.

The act was first passed because of several multiple-death fires within the state, according to Petty.

On Jan. 19, 2000, three students were killed and 59 injured after a fire in a Seton Hall University residence hall fire; students who pleaded guilty said that they intended it as a prank, according to New Jersey Advance Media. Campus administrators said that the university was under complete compliance with the fire code, but since, the university has since made several fire safety strides including updating and installing sprinklers and banning smoking in all residence halls.

Briant returned to CCM at the end of October to reinspect violations he found over the summer and certificates have now been been issued for the building where corrective action has taken place.

Briant said there are a few buildings that share a violation that requires a specialized contractor to complete the work. He is allowing time for the work to be done, and the extension date is Sunday, Dec. 31. The certificate for Sheffield Hall is not issued due to the extension of time, according to Briant.

Latincsics said that a common violation at CCM is that sprayed on fireproofing insulation has fallen off of beams and that the college needs quotes from three vendors before work is done on this. She also said that Briant will need to return after Dec. 31 to insure that the correct changes are made. CCM will receive the most updated versions of the certificate for each building when it is completely satisfactory.

If any old certificates are found around campus, VanDerhoof and Latincsics said they would appreciate if it is brought to their attention and taken down. They can be reached respectively at kvanderhoof@ccm.edu and dlatincsics@ccm.edu. Latincsics said that she and representatives from public safety have looked around for outdated certificates to take down but have not been able to find many.

“For the life of me, I have no idea where they still might be,” Latincsics said.

CCM celebrates inauguration of its third president

Dr. Anthony J. Iacono sets vision for future

Iacono

Dr. Anthony Iacono accepts his inauguration a year after he takes office. Photo courtesy of CCM.

By Dan Brodhead

Contributor

More than 400 people, including local and state officials, faculty, staff, students, and alumni, gathered at County College of Morris Friday, Oct. 6 to celebrate the inauguration of Dr. Anthony J. Iacono as the college’s third president.

Serving as master of ceremonies for the inauguration was Dr. Bette Simmons, vice president of student development and enrollment management. Guest speakers included Board of Trustees Chair Paul Licitra, President Emeritus Dr. Edward J. Yaw, and a slate of political leaders. The keynote speaker was Iacono’s longtime friend and former colleague at Indian River State College (IRSC) in Fort Pierce, Florida Dr. Alan P. Roberts, president of State University of New York Ulster

“The vision, support, and boldness of those who have led and shaped CCM for nearly 50 years has created an institution that consistently gains recognition for the success of its students and alumni,” Iacono said. “My goal is to shepherd the college’s ongoing development so CCM can play an even larger role in assisting individuals and businesses to reach their highest potential.”

Iacono has been president of CCM since Sept. 1, 2016. Since taking office, he has launched a number of initiatives to build upon the college’s strengths. Included among them are plans for an honors program, an expansion of the virtual campus, and the goal of making CCM one of the county’s economic engines to attract and retain new and existing businesses. In addition, he has begun working with the college’s Board of Trustees, employees, and community on the college’s next strategic plan, which focuses on increased community partnerships, high-impact learning practices, and greater opportunities for student internships.

Iacono came to CCM from IRSC where he served as vice president of academic affairs. His accomplishments there included serving as a core team member that helped IRSC earn recognition by the Aspen Award Committee as one of the top three community colleges in the nation; leading a team of faculty, administrators, and staff in supporting IRSC for admission to the Achieving the Dream network; and supporting faculty in the creation of IRSC’s Institute for Academic Excellence, an innovative research and professional development center.

“Every person has the ability to make the world a little better by simply getting involved,” Iacono said. “Find your purpose. Find your passion, and employ it to help others. You will be amazed at the difference you can make.”

Iacono has served as an adviser to the United States Department of Education and various national think tanks and educational reform organizations. He is the recipient of numerous teaching and leadership awards and is a nationally recognized speaker on the topics of leadership, educational innovation, literacy, and career pathways.

SATIRE: Agriculture department poised to summon satanic jack-o’-lantern by fertilizing students’ blood

By John Dumm

Satire Editor

As the County College of Morris student body completes its runup to Halloween and the start of the Christmas Season by slowly collapsing into nearly slapstick Hammer Horror grotesquerie, the CCM agricultural lab classes presumed to have been closed after the spring and summer semesters and alone in their excitement for the October midterms and have let slip their ancient conspiratorial scheme to ensure the maximal sincerity of their pumpkin patch to the point where one pumpkin can be possessed by Satan when the patch is fertilized by the blood of students.

The department hopes this will be the Great Pumpkin of Peanuts lore, delivering presents to children around the world.

Our completely innocuous Youngtown staffers in no way connected to an underground network of fences; moles; or musclebound, psychotic ‘Catholic priests,’ but in some way, they have by some small miracle gotten their hands on the bloodstained documents detailing these rituals.

As a side note, the forensics department liaison informs us that only half the stains are fresh and only 95 percent of them are biochemically human.

According to the forensic cryptography chair Minerva Sawyer, the documents are almost fully translated and almost 90 percent of the way to prophetic fulfillment; she’s offered to walk us through the Cliff Notes for those cultists who couldn’t be bothered to read the mailing list.

“The bad news was that these papers seemed to be written in some lunar runic script,” Sawyer said. “Eventually, we got to the good news. It’s just a weird font for Japanese. Now the bad news is that we have to turn to the one demographic willing and able to run cryptanalytics on haunted Japanese blueprints: Game Room residents.”

Lizzie McGillicuty, the chair of the agriculture department, said through Sawyer’s translator that she has outsourced a professional on this matter.

“Our guy, who I’m just gonna be calling ‘Bowler Hat Kid’, I get the vague feeling you know him, was the first one here to figure out that most of what they were doing revolved around preexisting Halloween scenarios,” McGillicuty said. “They’re trying to build up enough, ah, ‘sepulchritude.’ General spookiness, if you will, to induce spontaneous mutation in the campus greenhouse pumpkins. It took the rest of us poring over the plain English to figure out that most of it referred to events already happening on campus, related to the upcoming midterms.”

The specific details mostly just describe the campus as an anxiety-fuelled misery engine with two major components starting with the apparent zombification of high-level students. Snaking chronologically from soft sciences, which actively suppress their adherents’ desire to engage in thought with mass quantities of essays and quotas for cited sources higher than the number of actual papers written on the topics assigned, to more concrete mathematical courses which induce a sort of rote mechanical “pseudo-consciousness” devoted solely to predicting and serving the malicious caprices of the testing board, down a level of perceived difficulty and repeating until the entire student body has by some combination of means been pressed into a soulless husk.

This stage, predicted to be 80 percent complete by the ritual’s “ignition” at midnight on Halloween, is primarily thought to set the stage for the lesser event leading up to the blood sacrifice intended to fertilize the pumpkin patch: a “congregation of the unclean’ is to drive a “haberdashed pariah” towards the ritual site, in a “mangy, shrieking semi-sapient horde, howling chorales to chthonian gods about brutally unnatural movement and sacred refuse.”

Our translator has taken no interest in this passage, and the school officials have per our recommendations cleared out and occupied the game room for undescribed ‘events’, completely scuppering the plans of the unclean to congregate.

As of now, the agriculture department’s horrific plot to summon pagan deities through the blood of our student body seems thoroughly foiled, and anyone hoping to witness the Great Pumpkin rising from the most sincere patch to deliver toys to all the good children of the world are advised to direct their attentions to Sun High Orchards. However, we would like to enlist the help of our readership in deciphering an as-yet-undeciphered phrase in the documents, presumably referring to the provocation of the Game Room, that yielded no comprehensible result when translated into English:

“Homestuck shall infest the Youngtown, and drive the beasts in their glass chambers to their dread stampede, filled with hatred of ages past.”

For more details on the passage, please inquire with Youngtown staff.

SATIRE: Creepy scandals brought to light at CCM

By Caroline O’Brien

Contributor

On Friday, Oct. 13, Saul Socco, the senior groundskeeper at County College of Morris, alerted his supervisor Jeff Patron that human remains had been uncovered during the ground-breaking project for the proposed Parking Lot 11. Wills was able to silence Bordonaro’s claims with a bribe of two chocolate cupcakes; the kind filled with white fluffy crème and the white squiggle on top.

“This is old news,” Patron said, dismissing the press.  

CCM has had permission to build on the previously preserved Nanticoke Lenni-Lenape burial ground since 1973, five years before the college opened.  A bill was required to build upon the sacred Native American burial ground.  The bill was open to public comment and required a referendum.  Residents of Randolph were encouraged to vote “yes” to build CCM on the Center Grove Road site.

The native tribe was unable to speak against or vote in opposition of the bill due to their burial that took place over 400 years ago after a devastating massacre carried out by European invaders.  

The Randolph referendum of 1973 passed with absolutely no opposition.  

“The college has been haunted since the day it opened,” said Jennie Glade, a CCM custodian. “Maintenance and public safety work hard to make the spirits feel respected in order to maintain peace on campus.”

Jace Tyrone, an electrical specialist on CCM’s maintenance crew said the school is currently in a contract with alumni, Morty Sanchez and his alcoholic grandfather Rick Smith, to use patented dark matter as CCM’s main energy source.

“Dark matter keeps Native American spirits from attempting to make campus lights flicker; they can’t figure out how it works,” Tyrone said.

Tyler Fandango, the maintenance crew’s heating, ventilation, and air conditioning specialist says removal of students’ bodies from air conditioning vents through-out campus is common. Burkart referred to the spirits practice of student sacrifice as “savagery.”

“The spirits don’t like being called ghosts; it’s considered derogatory. They revert to extreme tactics to combat such oppression,” Fandango said. “The college president instructed me to bring the bodies to the Cohen Hall Cafe, that’s where they butcher the bodies. Salvageable organs are donated and leftover meat is used to make sandwiches. Read the ingredients; human meat is right on the label.”

The new college president, an extraterrestrial from Jupiter, admits his lack of experience in harvesting human organs, especially in situations of paranormal sacrifice.

“Extraterrestrials have never killed one another, but I am eager to learn about this sensational tradition earthlings have been practicing over the course of their existence,” the president said.

A majority of the Board of Trustees admitted they voted for the president to, “improve and promote interplanetary diversity on college staff.” as quoted in the most recent Board of Trustees meeting minutes from Wednesday, Aug. 16.  The Board agreed this “alien” is extremely obedient and should carry out most internal administrative operations at the board’s request.  

The chair of the board of trustees said, “The president literally has union, justice, and domestic tranquility ingrained in his DNA. It’s his natural instinct to provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty and posterity. That’s why we have to lie to him.”

Jane Almuerzo, an Alumni Trustee, admitted that the board has intentionally misinformed Iacono about most administrative operations.

“We could never tell him the truth, he wouldn’t follow our directions if he understood the negative effects of his administration,” Almuerzo said.

“Trustees won’t be held responsible for any misconduct because everything is technically carried out by the president and the SGA,” said Tommy Frog, the vice chair of the board of trustees.

Allegations against the Kremlin for stealing CCM student’s personal information were proven false after the president admitted the info was sold to Russia by the Student Government Association. The current SGA is made up of seven androids programmed by the CCM Women in STEM club but indirectly controlled by the Board of Trustees. The board no longer allows human students to hold executive positions after sexually inappropriate allegations against previous SGA leaders were proven to be true.

“The process was completely legal,” said Mike Armstrong, the data systems coordinator for the admissions office. “Students and faculty received an email about the changes made to their personal information.”  

Edwin Dirnt, a media literacy professor at CCM was not at all surprised by the changes.

“I knew all along; it’s important to stay informed. I wrote to every Trustee condemning the misconduct, but I never received a response,” Dirndt said. “I can only assume the message was never received, it must have been intercepted by the Russians.”

Dirnt recommends CCM students and faculty learn more about media literacy, including net neutrality, to prevent the loss of their personal information through media companies and common carriers.

Cyber Security Club event educates students, staff about computer safety

BY ARIANNA PARKS

Photo Editor

From the left: Brian Seligson, Andrea Doucette, and Mihir Kansagra of the cyber security club host “How to be a 2017 Digital Citizen” in the Student Community Center Davidson Rooms. Photo by Arianna Parks.

The County College of Morris’ Cyber Security Club hosted the “How to be a 2017 Digital Citizen” event in the Student Community Center Tuesday, Oct. 10 to educate the campus community on computer safety during the school’s Cyber Security Awareness Month.

Pew Research Center estimated in a January study called “Americans’ experiences with data security” that 64 percent of Americans have online accounts involving health, financial, or other sensitive personal information and that 41 percent of Americans have experienced fraudulent charges on their credit cards.

Cyber Security Club president Brian Seligson spoke at the event about computer users’ roles in protecting themselves.

“Anyone that uses the internet is a digital citizen,” said Seligson, a 33-year-old telecommunications major. “You guys just sitting here and listening … has made you wiser to [hacker] tricks.”

Patricia Tamburelli, Cyber Security Club advisor and information technologies professor at CCM, said that small things such as updating a device or using secure wifi networks is prudent in cyber-safety.

“Probably the biggest mistake people make is logging on to an open wifi network.” Tamburelli said. “Anything that I transmit from my device through open wifi can be picked out and read by somebody else”.

The United States Department of Homeland Security’s “Stop. Think. Connect.” campaign encourages online safety and awareness for digital citizens nationally. Through promotions such as CSA Month, each week a different online safety theme is addressed on proper internet decorum. Cyber Security Club addressed in its presentation how to be a safe and courteous digital citizen.

Andrea Doucette, club member and assistant at CCM’s Cyber Security Center, said that students and staff attending the event should caution themselves of cyber safety pitfalls, and she provided a short anecdote about a friend who downloaded a virus through content via a hacker replicating Microsoft Corp.

“They had her download software on her computer, and it wasn’t Microsoft,” Doucette said. “She gave her credit card information … everything.”

For more information on how to stay educated as a digital citizen, visit  www.dhs.gov/national-cyber-security-awareness-month/.

Women’s soccer team hopeful for rebound after mid-season losses

By Connor Iapoce
Sports Editor

The women’s soccer team at County College of Morris performed strongly with a three-game winning streak at the start of their season, but these impressive wins were soon followed by a four-game losing streak before the Titans won again.

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  Keisy Ramos and Kylie Scinto defend against Mercer County Community College in a 4-1 win for CCM on Wednesday, Oct. 4. Photos by Brett Friedensohn

Their overall National Junior College Athletic Association record is 4-4 with a Region XIX record of 1-3 at presstime. Regardless, players and coaches are impressed with how the team is shaping up this year.

“I can’t fault their effort and determination and just their focus coming in that they want to get better every game,” said Roger Stephens, head coach of the Lady Titans. “I mean, that’s the key. If you have that kind of motivation, you’re just going to get better.”

Stephens, the assistant director of athletics at CCM and a veteran coach in his 25th season with the soccer program, is supported in turn by a staff of three newcomers in their first season on the team, consisting of assistant coach Vincent Catizone, assistant coach Alex Katz, and assistant coach Vincenzo Bernardo. The team also has two student assistants, Taylor Fehnel and Zabrina Gale whose two-seasons limits imposed by NJCAA expired last year, in their first year with this role.

“I mean, the real key to success is just, number one, you want to get the best staff you can,” Stephens said. “Number two, it’s all about recruiting at the college level. If you’re not getting out beating the bushes all the time, you’re not going to get those extra players from different schools. The other part of it is just the preparation and the professionalism that I think our staff brings everyday to practices and games.”

The Lady Titans have an impressive roster consisting of eight returners and nine rookie players. They are led by three sophomore captains, Amanda Lawrence, Stephanie Williams, and returning captain Raenna Cope.

“Being a Titan gives you purpose,” said Raenna Cope, a sophomore business administration major and center back captain. “It’s not like just coming to school and going home, it’s like a whole other family.”

Freshman striker Samantha Corrales is the team’s leading scorer with 11 goals and one assist for a total of 19 points at presstime. She recorded a hat trick in her team’s 4-1 win against Mercer County Community College Wednesday, Oct. 4.

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Striker Samantha Corrales chases a mid-air ball at the game against Mercer County Community College Wednesday, Oct. 4.

“Another key is our leading scorer Samantha Corrales, who got [Garden State Athletic Conference] player of the week the second week of the season, which is phenomenal when you consider there are teams in the region,” Stephens said. “We also have three first-year all-region players who are returning this year, so hopefully they have a second shot at it.”

The season started strong during the home opener against Cumberland County College Saturday, Sept. 2. The match was a high scoring offensive win for the Titans with a final score of 7-1.

Defense would subsequently prove to be a strong factor in the success of the Titans, during a series of four away games in the schedule.

The following two games played were both strong defensive wins, including two impressive shutouts for sophomore goalkeeper Kayla Beal.

Beal averaged 1.7 goals per game at presstime. The Lady Titans average 1.86 goals per game, according to NJCAA statistics.

A 1-0 win Saturday, Sept. 9 against Bucks County Community College was followed by a 3-0 win against Middlesex County College Thursday, Sept. 14.

Bernardo is new to the organization, but he is no stranger to the sport of soccer, having played professionally in Italy and Guatemala. Bernardo said he is still growing into his role in the new environment, but he is impressed with his team’s players’ own growth both on and off the field and is excited for what is to come at the end of the season.

“My prediction is obviously just to play good soccer every game that we have,” Bernardo said about his predictions for the season’s outcome. “We obviously want to win; we want to be competitive, so that’s always the goal. But the short term goal is to get better each practice and win each game that is coming up.”

An away loss of 0-1 at Rowan College at Gloucester County Saturday, Sept. 16 was followed the next week by an away loss of 0-1 at Sussex County Community College Thursday, Sept. 21.

“I think we can do great things,” said Lawrence, a sophomore human services major and outside left midfielder.  “I think we are kinda at a little standstill right now, but once we get our heads back into it, I think we can go pretty far. We have great potential.”

The biggest deficit for the Titans this season came against Essex County College with a 1-7 away loss Tuesday, Sept. 26. Stephens referred to this game as a blip in their performance, not a result of lack of team effort or determination.

The latest game for the Lady Titans was a double overtime loss against Rowan College at Burlington County. The score was 1-1 through regular play after a goal by Lawrence in the 82nd minute to tie up the match. The Lady Titans would allow no goals through the first overtime but trailed after a game-winning goal for RCBC in the second overtime, making the final score 1-2.

The Lady Titans are focused on improvement both on and off the field. Stephens said the players regularly condition in the weight room to improve their fitness. The captains emphasized the importance of communication in a game setting.

“The key to success is communication,” Lawrence said. “Being on the same page with the girls, especially having a deep team bond.”

“I would say, finding each other on the field is a key to success,” Cope said.

The captains say the team is close-knit and bond outside of school, which helps them find success on the field. A Titan is more than just a competitive player on the soccer field.

“Being a Titan makes you want to be successful, because you know, you have your name to it,” Lawrence said. “You’re associated with the school; you’re associated with yourself, and you want to win. You want to do good things.”

The coaching staff’s ultimate goal this season is to reach the NJCAA regional tournament.

“Ideally the focus is always to get to the region tournament and beyond,” Stephens said. “Then, the bottom line is you’ve just gotta get focused and get better every game and every day you step on the field, whether it is practice or a game.”

The Lady Titans’ next home game is at 3:30 p.m. Thursday, Oct. 12 against Raritan Valley Community College.